My Way of Growing Up

This was me four years ago, trying to find my way.

Why didn't anyone tell me that growing up would look like this?

Or was that what all of them were talking about when they said that someday I would understand?

All of a sudden, all the things I thought I'd never own I need,

And all the things I need, I find myself without.

2 bowls aren't enough because what if I have company?

Banking is now online so I can know how close I am to broke,

And I hear the words "good investment" as I stare at a $376 dresser.

I'm not as angry as I was in college,

But then again, I don't think I laugh as much either.

A nap seems like wasting time,

And fellowship is restricted to Starbucks.

Calling a guy a "friend" is now deemed a breakup,

But as time passes, the more I appreciate those "friends."

I want to be sexy, I want to attract a male,

But I don't want to wear pants that I have to pull up and shirts that I have to pull down.

At this age I should be drinking coffee,

But honestly I still like hot chocolate.

I wash my sheets and towels because I am supposed to,

But my unfolded clothes lay over my neatly made bed.

Everyone seems to want to lend me money,

But no one is calling to offer me a job.

I now floss and take vitamins,

But I hate that my planner is now as important as my running shoes.

I don't know what NASDAQ stands for,

But then again I can't name all the seven dwarfs either.

I researched doctors and insurance,

But I lost my passport.

With all this change, all this "growing up" something else in me is growing.

I am asking God no longer why, but where?

Where is He and how can I join?

So instead of leading, I am now listening.

Instead of wandering, I am searching.

But to leave, I would have to rent a storage unit.

And it broke my heart when I had to buy a hitch.

I don't know what it means to let go,

But I'm not sure I know how to hold on.

I don't like the teenaged shows anymore,

But I don't think I really like the news either.

I feel heaviness in my chest when I think about Iraq,

But I've learned to look people in the eye when I say I love you.

I used to make fun of my dad for not knowing any of the current songs,

Now I find myself turning the radio off.

I'm not sure things will ever be the same,

But for some reason, maybe that's ok.

I don't dance as much when I worship,

But I now kneel when I pray.

This quarter life thing,

It's worse, but it's better than anyone said.

So bring on the fine print and kitchen appliances,

I'm not afraid.

Cause the secret's out.

I can dance in front of the mirror, I don't have to stop.

And heaven gets closer with time.

So I'll ask God for direction,

And I'll accept the answer, being ok with my part.

But I still want my tiara on my wedding day

And I want to wear rubber shoes when I'm 80.

I'll smile, when I say "someday you'll understand."

Cause maybe that's what God could be saying too.